It's a Mental Block

I have an emergency fund. It's not fully loaded, but it's there. So why can't I bring myself to use it? Last week was not a good one, emotionally or financially. At best, the financial cost will be at least $350; at worst, $700. I put the vet costs on the Visa, in part because I was so upset I couldn't have written a legible check, but it would have been just as easy to use the debit card and transfer money from the emergency fund. I still have 2 weeks before the fine from my car accident is due, and I'm hoping to be able to send a check in for that and not pull from the EF. Both these expenses, in my opinion, would qualify for using the EF. They were unforeseen (well, the fine at least) and have to be taken care of. In fact, I would advise someone else in the same situation to use the EF; that's what it is there for.

So what am I afraid of? Why can't I bring myself to use it? Part of it is security; I like the fact that it is there, and I'm afraid that as soon as I use it, something more important will come up and I will need more than what is there. Part of it is habit to use the Visa as an emergency fund. (I definitely need to get that card out of my wallet again.) But there is something else I just can't put my finger on. Is it lack of faith that God will take care of my needs? Is it lack of faith in my ability to provide for my family? Or something completely different? I don't know, but I wish I could figure it out. I do know if I have to pull $100 from it to pay this fine, I will feel horrible, and I don't want to feel that way. I want to feel relief that it is there when I need it, not guilty that I have to use it. How can I change my feelings about this?